Saturday, 3 December 2016

Stop indulging the birthday monster.

I love birthdays, mine and of those people I like or love. I look at mine as a big reminder to say 'Heck yeah! I was born on this day! There is no one like me' and when it comes to celebrating other's birthdays I think of it as 'I'm so glad you were born, I'm so glad you are in my life!' type of thing. I don't expect others to love their birthdays like I love mine, but I also think it's weird when people don't like their birthdays.

Birthdays are great- everyone tells you that 'it's your day', people calls you, friends post a million messages on your timeline and tell you how great you are and people give you presents, present you with good food and all that good stuff  and you believe the hype. You expect everyone should be nice to you and celebrate 'your day' with you, right ? You expect friends to make a big fuss over your birthday and then you are let down when it doesn’t happen. 

I'll be honest, I'm so over this approach to my birthday and have been for a years now. I don't want what people do for me to be directly linked to how I enjoy my birthday. I think there should be a fine balance. I've gotten to the point where I know that wanting my birthday to be a special day is really my thing and no one else's. So if I want it to be a special day, I'm the one responsible for that energy, and what others do is their participation and nothing else.

Stop ruining your birthdays. Stop getting worked up because someone didn't call you. Stop getting worked up you bought someone a present and they didn't get you anything. Stop expecting friends and family to make a big deal out of your birthday. If you love your birthday and want to celebrate, great, but don't guilt people into celebrating with you. Stop setting yourself up for disappointment  Stop dropping birthday-wishlist hints and don't expect them to be as jazzed up about your day as you are. On the flip side, if you hate your birthday, don't constantly bitch and moan about it. Birthdays mean different things to people. People's lives are complex and you just can't expect everyone to turn up.

I'm not saying every person should sort themselves out, I love gifting people, especially  people that least expect it. I hate it when people ask 'What are you going to buy me for my birthday?' because I always feel guilt-tripped into buying presents when it should just be organic. You want people to buy you stuff and make you feel special? Great, but when last did you go out of your way to make someone's special? I approach my birthday each year with the lowest of expectations, without preparation, and  I am always pleasantly surprised by the thoughtfulness of a few people here and there. As others have said, nurture a handful of friendships, and moderate your expectations. 

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Faith meets Africa meets Fashion meets Diversity.

This weekend our church had its annual Women's Conference  #SHE and the theme was She Ignites. The Conference is usually a three-day event and the first day of Conference usually has a themed dress code. This year's theme was Africa, I thought I should share some of the visuals from the Conference with you guys.  

Our First Lady, Pastor Nyretta Boshoff

Event: CRC's Women's Conference, #SHE.
Theme: She Ignites.
Photo Credit: CRC Main.

Sunday, 24 April 2016

Twenty Five Bookish Facts About Me.

One: Before I buy a book, I check out its rating on Goodreads first. If a book has a score over 4.0 I will probably buy it.

Two: I want to start a Book club or join one but I don’t like the pressure of having to read specifically something.

Three: I prefer paperbacks over hardbacks. Hardbacks look nicer on the bookshelf but paperbacks are easier to carry around and are more comfortable to read.

Four: I have never listened to an audio book.

Five: Believe it or not, I don't have a favorite genre. I like Contemporary Romance, Politics, Biographies, African fiction. I cannot decide which one.

Six: Talking about books on Twitter or basically any other social site is easy. But real life book talk? My brain turns to mush.

Seven: I read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy three times. Christian Grey, hello?

Eight: I never snack or drink while reading a book. Keeping my books in good condition is important to me. Which brings me to my next point.

Nine: I won't lend my books to just anyone. Not if I can help it.

Ten: I don't go to the library. I should support my local library and my bank balance would thank me immensely, but I’m not big fan of borrowing books for some reason.

Eleven: I am obsessed with Book photography, I find it therapeutic to just look at pictures of  bookshelves and books.

Twelve: I am morning reader. The silence, hello? I am usually awake by 5am reading a book.

Thirteen: I take book recommendations seriously. If you recommend a book to me, I will definitely check it out.

Fourteen: I prefer original book covers. I will never buy a book with a movie cover.

Fifteen: We all read for different reasons - reading for me is all about gaining perspective. I love to be taken away by books and encounter people and places I perhaps otherwise wouldn't in my day to day life

Sixteen: Book snobs are a pet peeve of mine..

Seventeen: Animal Farm, Lord of the Flies and Othello are the three books that have influenced the way I see people.

Eighteen:The more I love a book, the harder is it for me to watch the movie adaptation.

Nineteen: Too much description is a turn off for me. Maybe that's why I don't read Science Fiction

Twenty: I would prefer it if people don't lend me their books. I am a mood-reader, I read what I want, when I want to. I would hate to keep someone's book for a year. So please, I know you love your book and you think everyone should read it but please don't lend it to me.

Twenty one: I cannot remember the last time I didn't have anything to read.

Twenty two: I didn't cry when I read the Fault in Our Stars but I sobbed uncontrollably after I read Me Before You.

Twenty three:  I will never read Mills and Moons or any of those cheap, tacky Romance Books. 

Twenty four: I get the worst book hangovers. That feeling of sadness after you finish reading a book and leave a world that you were completely consumed by.

Twenty five: Lastly, I am guilty of judging books by their covers.

Do you have any interesting Bookish Facts about yourself? Please share them in the comment section. I like stuff like that. 

Friday, 4 March 2016

The Only One: What You Noitce When You Are The Only Black Person In The WorkPlace

I know we don’t experience things the same way so this may or may not resonate with you. We’re individuals in the end. This is not a criticism or an opinion piece, it is simply an observation. I don’t hate white people – although I recently I got so furious that I very nearly did, but that’s another story altogether. So white people, I don’t hate you. Here we go!

1. The amount of time you say 'I don't know'.

No, I don't know this person. No I don't know that person. No I don't know that musician. No I don't know that song. No I know that movie. No I don't know. No I don't know. No I don't know. 

2. You are the only one who knows anything about the majority of uniquely SA culture.

I find it so bizarre that any South African can have no knowledge of Bonang Matheba, Our Perfect Wedding, black languages, terms like 'yellowbone' or 'Ben 10' and the growing power of socio-political SA twitter. It's disheartening to know that before I even dare to talk about the AKA-Cassper saga, I first have to explain who Cassper and AKA are.

3. Your hair becomes a frequent topic of discussion.

I don't mind people touching my hair but for the love of God, ask. I understand the curiosity with texture but  no one should be touching anyone. Whether it's their hair or pregnant belly.

4. You can’t get over how insular their world is.

Every morning black person in the country wake up to work in  fancy white-occupied suburbs or learning institutions and get introduced to two sides of the country.  Most white people in the country don’t experience the country the same way and this comes out whenever they speak about social-
issues in the country. I’ve heard some teeth grinding, naive and downright ignorant , painful comments and even harsh trivialization of certain matters like the significance student protests. You realize how unaware are they of the lives of ordinary South Africans. You realize how much of their own world they digest because they only know their own languages and know their own heritage. 

5. The unseemingly insensitive comments.
'You are not so black'. Yes, I am black. I am just not the stereotype floating in your head. Black people come from different backgrounds as do white people. Within the community of black people there are differences but white people have a tendency to see black and make general assumptions.

6. White people love dogs. 
Black people treat dogs like pets. White people treat dogs like human beings. Every single day I am subjected to conversations about dogs as if we are talking about a child. I hope your life never depends on a white person choosing between you and a dog cause you'll be dead. 

7. You are constantly surprised by how little they understand about their privilege 
Whites have the privilege to ignore issues that haunt and hurt black people, issues which black people cannot ignore. Yet because the privileged don’t have to think about these issues, many of them don’t—and working with whites who are blinded to their privilege is discouraging. White people view Slavery and Apartheid as 'something bad' that happened and something that black people need to get over. When you work with white people you move between two worlds and you notice just how much racism has been institutionalized that most white people think it’s normal and thus okay.

8. You constantly resist the overwhelming urge to explain.
I often wonder if I should give my colleagues some perspective on the impact of Apartheid and Slavery but I always choose not to because it has always been more important for me to listen to them. Apart from that, I don't want to play teacher to anyone that is not open to gaining some perspective. You cannot explain anything to someone that is in a defensive mode. 

9. You constantly have to fight to renew your mind
Every single day I came across condescending white people who would rather speak to my white colleagues because they think they might know better and everyday I have to remind myself that not every white person is a condescending jackass that needs to move to Australia.

Have you ever worked with people that were culturally different from you? How was the experience?

Friday, 5 February 2016

He says come.

I despair.
He says, My grace is sufficient.
I fear.
He says, I am faithful.
I weep.
He says, I carry you even now.
I yearn.
He says, I fulfill.

I analyse and intellectualize what I do not understand.
He says, I will give you peace beyond understanding.
I become angry and hard.

He says, Come.
I become bitter. I sit with my questions.  My eyes rolls. My head shakes. My soul overturns.
He says, Come.
I become fractured. I howl at God. I stumble in darkness. And crisis grips my heart.
He says, Come.
He says, Come.
He says, Come.

Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Come, let's dance again.
Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:2.

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Waiting for life to begin.

Since graduating from University I feel like I've been a habitual waiter.

Waiting for the career opportunity that I want. Waiting for interviews. Waiting for someone to take a chance on me. Waiting for my career to kick off. Waiting for real life to begin.

Don't you find it interesting that even though life is here and now, in this very moment, right in front of our eyes, we choose to ignore the very moment, which is where life is because we are too busy waiting for 'real life to begin? This is simply a phase called 'post grad.' I think  we think the next phase is called 'real life', but really it's just 'the phase after graduating' but they are both very real. We are constantly creating, shaping and crafting our lives, whether we are aware of this or not. 

Lately I've been trying to remind myself that I only have one life to live and it shouldn't be spent worrying about the future and waiting for the time to be right. When life gets uncomfortable we often orientate ourselves to a future that is better. It's often a defense mechanism especially when we are discontent about our current situation. We believe in the I'll-be-happy-when lie. I'll be happy when: I'm in a meaningful relationship/ making more money/ buying a new car/ new clothes / move to another city. And the thing is, when you get those things, you will have not changed, except that now you need something else to make you happy, to wish for.

I'm thankful to have a job that I do not hate but it's not the space I want to be in any longer. I'm trying to find my own balance between being grateful with my current life and wanting so much more in the future. I know that a lot of the time, I'm happiest when I'm not waiting for something to happen. I'm learning to honor the present moment. I'm learning to be present in my own life. I'm learning that a big part of adulting thing is simply learning to adapt to the inevitable discomfort  that comes with life. 

What are you guilty of waiting for? 

Monday, 11 January 2016

Blogging Goals For 2016

I love it when women come together and talk about their goals and dreams so when Funmi of FunmiWrites invited me to do a blog collaboration on my blog goals I didn't think twice before I accepted the invite.  Here are some of my short-term blog goals for 2016

Learn how to create better graphics and learn more about HTML

I created this blog so that it could also be an outlet for creativity I want to work on becoming more tech and graphic savvy myself. Currently I only use Picmonkey, but I would like to to throw myself into PhotoShop and InDesign. This will take long but I am committed to learning a new design skill every month. I also want most of the pictures that are on this blog to be pictures that were taken by me, this should be fun.


I finally like how my blog looks so the design isn't a problem, however, things aren’t as consistent as they could be. Firstly, I need to get a domain name. Secondly, I want to get all my social media pages matching and come up with more consistent images and graphics for my blog.

Be more selective with what I take on.

I want to work with other bloggers but I've decided that I'm going to be more selective with what I take on from now on. Collaborations should be right for me and my blog otherwise it's going to be a no from me. When I do a collaboration it must be something that I believe I won't be doing anything I don't believe in wholeheartedly for numbers. From here on it's quality over quantity.

Sometimes reading other people's goals can be a mirror, it's an opportunity to see what you need to work on, with that said, four other bloggers joined me in setting blog goals for 2016. Check out what these ladies had to say, you might just spot something that you need to work on.


Do you have blog goals? Do you think having goals is important?