Monday, 4 March 2013


I am sitting alone at a coffee shop as I write this post. Comfortably situated right at the center of the coffee shop, at a table built for two and as pick my passion fruit with lemonade for a sip I notice that there are couples all round me. And I am content. I don’t envy them or wish I was them. I’m not discomfited of the empty chair across me but it made me think about my non- existent love life.

Three years ago I was in a relationship with what seemed to be a great guy, I was ‘in love’ and I believed that we were going to be together forever. I was "saved" but I still lived like God did not exist, I knew he was there but I chose to leave Him out of this aspect of my life. I attended church regularly, I was growing in the word and in boldness to share the word with people all around me but there was a part of me was that I was not willing to surrender to God. Maybe because I knew He expected a high standard of obedience which I wasn’t willing to endure. 

 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

My boyfriend and I were unequally yoked, he didn't even own a bible let alone go to church, but I still continued with the relationship because I 'loved' him. I had heard the pastor preach about being unequally yoked a couple of times but I made up all kinds of excuses in my head. Let me be honest, I found spending time with my boyfriend more exciting than God. I was that girl that would spend three hours chatting to her boyfriend then read the bible for three minutes. Although I loved God, I REALLY struggled with putting Him first.  If my boyfriend called while I was busy with my quite time, I would drop quite time with God and be with him, the relationship was super distracting, I definitely put that relationship before my relationship with God. But I still persisted, I really believed that I could make a relationship with him work even though he wasn’t saved; I thought maybe I would rub off on him so I spent a longer time in relationship than I should have. Thankfully God eventually decided to save me from my own stupidity because one day, it all suddenly made sense. My pastor preached a powerful sermon on relationships and the importance of choosing the right company and relationships.

The Holy Spirit stirred in my heart a few significant things:     

I cannot receive or give love if I do not know the author of love.

If my desire to date exceeds my desire for God, I am an idolater.

If the relationship that I am in is not surrendered to God then I have not given Him all of me.

A man cannot lead me if he, himself is not being led by God.

If I am not willing to be accountable and open to God and other mentors then the relationship is not pure.

If it is my desire to have a Godly marriage some day, I need to sow godliness in my relationship and let him (God) take the wheel.

What a rude awakening! I searched my heart and ultimately I realized that I was too emotionally immature and unprepared to be in any romantic relationship. I decided to break up with my boyfriend, was it easy? Heck no! That still remains one of the most difficult and painful things that I had ever done. I almost got back together with him four times, I cried out to God to change my desires (cause the feeling I had for him did not just stop) and take away the pain. Jesus became my priority because with the breakup, He fell further and further down my list of people to talk to, I finally surrendered myself to Christ completely and told myself that the next guy I was going to date would be a guy that loved the Lord as much as I did and someone I could see fulfilling a purpose with. But first I needed to restore my relationship with Christ, my savor so I decided on two years off the dating scene, just a good two years dedicated to me and God so for two years I didn’t see anyone, talk to anyone or anything like that I decided for real that from that point on it would be just me and Jesus. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was calling me into a season of singleness, I knew that God was tired of sharing me and that he wanted ALL OF ME, He was calling me to put Him first above everyone and everything. I just didn’t know how long the season was going to be so I determined for two years. A year seemed very brief and three years seem like forever (I guess a part of me feared being single for too long) so I opted for two years. I knew that God was taking me through a process and if I stayed obedient I would see the fruits of it.

So I focused on my spiritual life which definitely helped me to be more emotionally intelligent. God began to challenge me to examine aspects of my life my relationship with people, my level of contentment, my  focus and dedication to the Lord, my personal purity and of course, dating. I had a strong desire to have a strong and intimate relationship with God; I had a desire to know how Christians are supposed to date. Is dating scriptural? How long should we date? You see if I didn’t know I wouldn't know how to please the Lord. I had many questions that needed to be answered. The more I exposed myself to the things of God the more I fell in love with God, the deeper my desires to please Him grew, this includes relationships.  You see, my desires were beginning to align themselves with His word. he was teaching me to be a woman of purpose instead of going with the flow. No longer did I wanna be in a relationship that I knew was not going anywhere, my views of relationships were also changing the things that I thought were normal, suddenly became abnormal and the things that I believe were abnormal became normal. I learnt about courting instead of dating, I stopped seeing relationships as an entertainment, something to keep myself busy with. All of a sudden the dating scene became one big turn off for me, no unsaved guy become attractive to me. Let me set the record straight: I am not against dating whatsoever I am just against dating prematurely and without purpose because the bible clearly states where there is no vision people perish. 

I can gladly say I have not been in any kind of relationship for almost four years now, and I know that my big decision of committing to being single these past years was the desire of God for my life. For starters, He had to heal my broken heart and make me whole again; He had to change so many of the wrong perceptions that I had about love, marriage, purity and Him. There have been so many learning experiences these past years. But the most remarkable is of God taking me to a place of trust in Him for my future and leading me. When I reflect on the past few years I thankful that I listened to the Holy Spirit because He had a lot of pruning to do, a lot of wisdom to give. He is sanctifying me through and through and moulding me into the woman I am to be one day for my future husband. In the meantime, I will live each day with gladness because I have a good man in my life:

His name is Jesus.