Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Painfully Honest Prayers

I want to pray like Jeremiah.

Jeremiah 20:7-18:
7 O LORD, You induced me, and I was persuaded;
You are stronger than I, and have prevailed.
I am in derision daily;
Everyone mocks me.
8 For when I spoke, I cried out;
I shouted, Violence and plunder!”
Because the word of the LORD was made to me
A reproach and a derision daily.
9 Then I said, I will not make mention of Him,
Nor speak anymore in His name.”
But His word was in my heart like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding it back,
And I could not.
10 For I heard many mocking:

Fear on every side!”

Report,” they say, and we will report it!”
All my acquaintances watched for my stumbling, saying,

Perhaps he can be induced;
Then we will prevail against him,
And we will take our revenge on him.”
11 But the LORD is with me as a mighty, awesome One.
Therefore my persecutors will stumble, and will not prevail.
They will be greatly ashamed, for they will not prosper.
Their everlasting confusion will never be forgotten.
12 But, O LORD of hosts,
You who test the righteous,
And see the mind and heart,
Let me see Your vengeance on them;
For I have pleaded my cause before You.
13 Sing to the LORD! Praise the LORD!
For He has delivered the life of the poor
From the hand of evildoers.
14 Cursed be the day in which I was born!
Let the day not be blessed in which my mother bore me!
15 Let the man be cursed
Who brought news to my father, saying,

A male child has been born to you!”
Making him very glad.
16 And let that man be like the cities
Which the LORD overthrew, and did not relent;
Let him hear the cry in the morning
And the shouting at noon,
17 Because he did not kill me from the womb,
That my mother might have been my grave,
And her womb always enlarged with me.
18 Why did I come forth from the womb to see labor and sorrow,
That my days should be consumed with shame?

Jeremiah was painfully honest with God. He was hurt, and he said it. He wanted the people who hurt him destroyed, he told God how he felt and wasn't ashamed and that is what I believe God also desires from us, even though he already knows exactly what we are feeling. When we are open to God and ourselves we can heal better. Like Jeremiah we should tell God exactly how we feel even if it might be wrong, it doesn't matter as long as we are honest. We should give God our best and "our worst" also! He loves us. As we open-up our hearts to Him and honestly tell Him how we feel, He comforts us and sooths away our hurts. Don't sanitise it, don't organise it, don't edit. Let it rip.Our tidy and sanitised prayers ­should stop 'cause what comes out the mouth is not always what is in our hearts. God knows our pain, sorrow, hurt, and struggles.Painfully honest prayers tend to be disorganised, unrehearsed, and messy but they come from the depths of our heart and they touch the heart of God.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Note to Self: People matter

I am a self proclaimed workaholic.
Give me tasks to do, goals to complete, and dreams to accomplish and I'm happy as a lark.  Force me to spend time with people when I've got a full plate of goals and ambitions?  I'll be miserable...

I love people, I really do... but the introvert in me will gladly take a book over small talk.  I suppose it's why I need rest if I'm to enjoy the people around me.  Rest takes time...

I took today as a day of rest.  After reading, tackling goals, and reading some more, I found myself ready for a walk with a friend.  The entire day consisted of resting, relaxing, and spending quality time with people.  This must be what a simpler life feels like.

My life has never been simple.  My natural state is always working, always moving, always striving to be something more... it's hard to slow down, even when my body says 'enough'.  Every minute lost is a minute that could have been spent doing something... I've never been good at the art of 'being'.

As I look back on my youth, I realise this is a learnt trait.  From childhood my parents always emphasised the importance of work over playing. Now that I am older, I see the tables turned... I don't do well making time for the people I love.

I need to unlearn what I've learnt, to remember that relationships matter more than anything.  I can give God all of my work and my service, but unless I know Him and trust Him, my work is meaningless.  Trust comes with relationship.

If I'm to build a rapport with the people I mentor and love, I need to be available.  This means setting aside time for others and for myself... learning to rest, learning, to give, and learning to be.

Monday, 6 February 2012

Note to Self: Recommit

I've been thinking a lot lately about commitment... and my inherent fear of it.

I'm afraid to commit to my town... so I try not to get attached to it.
I'm afraid to commit to my home... to making it my own... so I avoid it.
I am afraid to commit to myself... so I come up with excuses.
I am afraid to commit to my life... because then I have to live it.

(I'm also afraid of committing to people... but that's a whole nother story.)

I'm thinking it's time to seriously address this fear issue.  How will I ever commit to a husband, a family, a church - my future - if I am unable to commit my heart to the things/people God has placed in my life now?  How can I effectively give my time/energy to others, if I'm unable to commit to caring for myself first?

Consider this post a declaration of (re)commitments. 
  •  I (re)commit to exercising regularly.  This is not only for my health today, but for my health in the future. 
  • I (re)commit to making healthy choices regarding what I eat, drink, and ingest.
  • I (re)commit to pursuing healthy relationships, limiting unhealthy interactions, and taking time alone when needed.
  • I (re)commit to pursing Godly teachings and getting involved in my local church.
  • I (re)commit to owning my "yes" and "no".  I want to become a woman who is true to her word.
This may be a challenge.  I frequently find myself low on time and high on activity.  I may need accountability.  If I want to be healthier, I need to make these choices now.  I can't give to others what I don't myself have

Thursday, 2 February 2012

My list- Top things I want in a Husband

 A blog I read inspired me to write my list of ‘TOP THINGS I WANT IN MY HUSBAND’, the point of having this list to to have STANDARDS. Before you read  let me begin by mentioning that I am not looking for stuff like rich, handsome, cute, charismatic and sexy no, not that superficial stuff, I am thinking more about those things that will bring ever-lasting joy, peace and satisfaction, things that are important to me. Honesty speaking, I do not have a specific picture of Mr. Right in my mind and I am not sure I want to because I will judge him according to TV/movie standards and might even miss my ‘Fairy Tale’ because of concentrating only on certain characteristic, God can do exceedingly and abundantly than what I think or ask for. Here is my list of the characteristics I want my husband to have, I look forward to the future it will be interesting to see how close I am or how far I am from the man that God actually has in store for me:

  1. He MUST love JESUS with all his mind, body and soul and have his own intimate relationship with Him AND he must be authentic with his walk with Christ
  2. He MUST be a leader, I desire to be led. Sorry ladies, I don’t believe in this twenty first century nonsense that says women can be leaders in their marriages, I desire to SUBMIT
  3. He must be a gentleman: open the door, hold my hand as I walk down the stairs, help me put on my coat on and pull out my chair. Yep, all those gentlemen characteristics!!
  4. He must have a servant’s heart.
  5. Must strive for perfection financially because I don’t need a financial burden.
  6. He MUST respect women in general
  7. He MUST be God-fearing, he must live to obey God
  8. He must be someone that I can be comfortable with in spite of my flaws, weaknesses and all.
  9. He must be a good listener (I am a chattaholic Lol)
  10. NEAT!! Dear Lord, I am a neat FREAK!!!!
  11. AFFECTIONATE!!!! Touching in my love language
  12. He must have strong values and that will not discard their ethics at the door of success
  13. Cannot have a temper
  15. Someone that believes in the first commandment with a promise, ‘Honor your mother and father’
  16. He must have a free-spirit and quite spontaneous, he must be able to laugh at himself
  17. He must be positive in thinking
  18. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
  19. He must be an encourager
  20. He MUST understand the purpose of our relationship.
  21. He must believe in tithe and offering
  22. Must love to read
  23. He must keep himself together: work out, very neat person in appearance, clothes, smelling good
  24. He must be someone who strives for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked, believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
  25. I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. These are the characteristics that I will be praying for in my quite time with God. I encourage you all to also have your list, there is NOTHING wrong with having ‘STANDARDS’, just as long as you make sure that you are all (or most) of those things on your list. Don’t put a ton of pressure on a guy to be something that you aren’t!! And just because a guy does not have a couple of things on your list it doesn't mean he is not worthy to have a relationship with you, As long as my future husband had some of the important things & NO dealbreakers, to me--he is worth starting a relationship with. So listen to the Holy Spirit as He LEADS & guides you. Someone may have EVERYTHING you want on your list but you can zero peace about them. So--they're disqualified. God knows your end from your beginning. Trust Him.

Me, myself and I


I can always figure how a person is during my first conversation with them, no matter what the conversation is about, I am always right too.
My husband can't be soft or weak or I will walk all over him unknowingly, my personality is really strong.
I have had two real relationships my whole life but I only truly love one but it stops there, the next one will be my hubby.
I hate being sad, I love being happy and in bliss and just excited about life.
 I sometimes get sad when I see little kids in relationships, they have no idea of the heartbreak they are about to face putting him first.

I am in constant re-evaluation of myself! I want to be exactly what God wants me to be, but I mess up sometime, which is fine His grace always picks me.

I lot of people say to me: 'I thought you were mean until I actually got to know you'. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

I am not ashamed of my past because it has nothing to do with where God is taking me!

I used to be really mean and really rude

I admire the God in people, it puts a smile on my face and pushes me to do better.

I believe that God blesses us so that His glory can be shown to believers and unbelievers. (Use me father)
I am not bilingual; I don't speak life and death, I SPEAK LIFE!

I am about to have a PhD in a couple of years, God is leading and I AM FOLLOWING.

Through the eyes of Jesus

                 ‘If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s
                                       fantasies for me and eaten alive’ Audre Lorde.


I am accepted...
John 1:12 I am God's child.
John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
I am secure...
Romans 8:1-2I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
I am significant...
John 15:5I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

I can’t trust my feelings, or even circumstances, to tell me how I am. They change like the wind. Up one moment and easily shot down the next. His Word however, never changes. Its ceaseless truths go beyond emotions and whatever my day holds to anchor me to hope.
Some days, weeks or even seasons of life are discouraging and we can’t see beyond the pain, hurt and stress. Searching God’s Word for His view of our circumstances and us lifts our eyes off the problems and onto Him. He’s our ultimate source of truth and encouragement!

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

"Pinky promise" and "No randoms"

Pinky promise and no randoms is a movement that Heather Lindsey, an amazing women I met online.

What is a random?
For the single person:  It’s person that you’ll never marry buy you date them because you’re lonely or to fill a void. It’s that ex that you KNOW isn’t any good for you but you keep going back to you’re comfortable. It’s also those unhealthy relationships that are distracting you and pulling you from Christ.
What does Pinky promise mean?
For the single person: It’s a promise to honour God with your body. To refuse to give your body to anyone that hasn’t PAID THE PRICE FOR YOU CALLED MARRIAGE. It’s a promise to stay pure before God in every single way. It is a promise that says, I won’t test the boundaries in my relationship to see how far I can push it sexually—but instead I want God to have my heart.

I am a big supporter of this movement because it represents EXACTLY what I am about, what I believe in HOPE-HEARTEDLY! It encourages women (young or old) not to settle for less then what God has intended for them

I Pinky promise God that…
I will not date a guy that I know I will never marry
I will not date a guy as a ‘safe haven’ / loneliness
I will always pray and seek God’s go ahead before I get into a relationship.
I will not go into relationship with someone that I will NOT be equally-yoked with.
I will honour God with my body; I refuse to give your body to anyone that hasn’t PAID THE PRICE FOR YOU CALLED MARRIAGE.
I will not push the boundaries in my relationship to see how far I can push it sexually.

                              (GOD)       (ME)

                             Settle and you will settle for less than you settled for.

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.