Tuesday, 4 October 2011

So I confess...

So I confess, I haven't spent much time with the Lord, and I am excited to get back into The Word regularly! I don't want my relationship with my Savior to suffer because of lack of communication, or because I "don't have enough time." I have time...I just need to manage it better. I want my life to be completely for Him, and that in everything I would do, it would glorify Him. It's my prayer that I would become more like my Savior, every day, moment by moment. And that I would be a witness for Him but that cannot happen if I don’t put the Lord first in my life. I don't want to go through my days putting God in a box -Lord, help me not to get so wrapped up in my own world that I forget who created it. So often, I put my desires above the real deal. "Lord, I will read my bible — I truly am planning to spend some time praying, but I'm really busy with this thing now. I'll do it as soon as I finish!" I procrastinate and put off the important, only to find out that the day is done.

I believe that I have to delight myself in the Lord because that is where the good life is. It is a conscience free life; nothing feels as good as approaching God with a clear conscience. A guilty conscience is actually one of the things that used to keep me from praying. I would so feel guilty for not praying then avoid talking to God because I thought he was not pleased with me or maybe tired of my excuses, I felt so condemned.

One good thing that came out of this whole thing is that even though I haven’t been spending that much in the word I was able to get by much better than I would have in the past. My heart was still fully-fledged in Christ and I never gave up on my confession of faith. I am so glad because this is an indication of growth, I have truly grown spiritually, I decided that I was not going to beat myself over this because that is exactly what the devil wants. He wants me to feel so guilty and put off talking to God; well… it could have worked a couple of years ago but not anymore. I am STILL convicted to live in joy - Jesus FIRST, others SECOND, myself LAST. I am convicted to spend time praying or being in the Word every morning, as well as living my days Holy for Christ. I am convicted to live COMPLETLY for my Savior, fully surrendered! There is no one but Jesus for me.  I love seeing these little changes that result in me turning into a woman after God's own heart! This is my journey and in it I am still yet to make mistakes but the secret is to repent, learn from the mistakes and move on. Too much is at stake for me to dwell on what I have done wrong. I know that God loves me whole-heartedly and there is nothing that I can do to make him think less of me. I know that he understands because he knows my heart, he knows that I long to be a powerful women of prayer. I'm convicted and encouraged, because I see what areas of my life I need to focus on. I know I can't do it on my own but when I am weak then I am strong, because he is perfect strength.  I will get there, baby steps…

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